Man of Steel vs. Fans of Squeal

I must be getting old because the whining of stunted fanboys has gotten to me already.

I’ll keep my response to this simple, since that seems to be what the aforementioned fanboys crave:

1. It’s a movie, not a comic. It’s not Reeve, Routh or (thank Christ) “Smallville.” It’s a new thing. It made some strong choices and committed to them, which for a studio summer blockbuster is kind of amazing.

2. If you don’t like these choices, fine. You have lots of other Supes stories to choose from. Start at 1938 and work your way forward. Something will click for you.

3. If you think you can write, let alone make, The Perfect Superman Movie, let’s see you do it. No one will applaud louder than I.

4. If you’re going to rend your limited edition Comic-Con t-shirt and codpiece over certain details of the movie at least get them right. Or don’t. It’s easier to roll my eyes and write you off as an idiot when you cry “Superman would never do that!” when, no, Superman never, in fact, did that.

5. I believe a man can fly more than I believe a man can always make the right decisions, in the heat of the moment without a flicker of selfishness or doubt. If it was good enough for Jesus at the Garden of Gethsemane it’s good enough for Kal-El in Metropolis.

6. SPOILERS AFTER THE PICTURE STOP READING NOW BECAUSE THERE’S  SPOILERS DOWN THAR!!! STOOOOOP REEEEEAAADINNNNG!!!!

6. (continued) I believe a man can change the course of mighty rivers, bend steel in his bare hands, leap tall buildings in a single bound more than I believe there is never, ever a good and moral reason to kill. If you believe differently, I respect that, but you are probably a Quaker, a Jain or a follower of Martin Luther King, all of which are very cool in their way. I would bet, however, that you are not a cop, a soldier or anyone else who has taken it upon themselves to protect the world from people who don’t share your respect for life.

7. “Man of Steel” is a heroic fantasy that addresses some grown-up themes. How committed the filmmakers are to them will be revealed in the sequel. Will the world have changed for these characters or will they just get right to beating up the next bad guy?
I have my hopes.

8. “MoS” is of its time and place, America after 12 years of war, a place that is less trusting and “fun.” I respect the creators of the movie for facing that rather than denying it. It’s why I’ve thought enough about it to jot this down.

9. Jonathan Kent is a loving dad. He’s not a homophobe or a sociopath. Honestly, that was the dumbest thing I’ve read so far. He has self-interest and nothing close to all the answers. Look at the character through the Real Guy lens and his actions make perfect sense.

10. I just wanted to get to 10.

Now go see the movie and make up your own mind. Thank-you for visiting.

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One for the Sketch Graveyard

Last week I was in LA again for the first time in a long while. I always try to see my old sketch comedy group when I’m in town and I figured it would be fun to write something for the show. They were comping my ticket and it was the least I could do. The sketch I wrote didn’t make the cut but I got a two-line joke in near the end.

The joke was: Cigarette companies in Israel have manufactured kosher cigarettes for Passover. Their slogan: “Why is this night more smooth and refreshing than all other nights?”

The rejected sketch was this one. Enjoy.

ORAL ARGUMENTS

By John Judy

SUPREME COURT BALIFF V/O (in blackout): Oral arguments in cases United States v. Windsor, Defense of Marriage Act, and Hollingsworth v. Perry, Proposition Eight, are now concluded. Justices will recess for deliberation. God save this court and God save the United States of America.

(Lights up. Nine Justices, SCALIA, KENNEDY, THOMAS, ROBERTS, ALITO, SOTOMAYOR, GINSBURG, BREYER and KAGAN enter quickly.)

KENNEDY: Oh my god, I have got to pee so bad…!

ROBERTS: Not so fast, Kennedy. You are not getting out of this.

KENNEDY: John, I’m not even kidding. I’m gonna get an infection here.

ROBERTS: “Chief Justice says…”

KENNEDY: Damn it!

SCALIA: Don’t worry, kid, we can do this fast. Could everybody here in this room who’s Catholic and doesn’t want to burn in a Lake of Fire stand over here with Team Scalia? Traditional marriage, who’s with me?

(THOMAS, ROBERTS and ALITO separate themselves from the rest and settle near SCALIA, leaving GINSBURG, BREYER, KAGAN and SOTOMAYOR opposite. KENNEDY stands uncomfortably alone.)

SOTOMAYOR: Um, excuse me? Tony? Yeah, Roman Catholic, standing over here.

GINSBURG, BREYER, KAGAN: With the Jews.

SOTOMAYOR: And equality.

SCALIA: Oooo, sorry, Sonia, maybe I should have said “Real Catholics” over here!

(THOMAS, ROBERTS, SCALIA AND ALITO all high-five each other.)

ROBERTS: Ouch! Burn!

ALITO: Yeah!

SCALIA: “Real Catholics!”

(Rather than speak, which he never does, THOMAS honks a bicycle horn like Harpo Marx.)

 GINSBURG: Alright cut the crap, Scalia. We all know how this shakes out. We have four Clinton-Obama appointees over here and you’ve got five Reagan-Bush appointees over there, one of whom snuck a heart and a brain through the confirmation process. Kennedy, get your ass over here and let’s put this bitch to bed.

ROBERTS: Chief Justice says: “Not so fast, Ginsburg!”

KENNEDY: Damn it!

ROBERTS: I got a few questions for Mr. Swings Both Ways-Voter over here.

KENNEDY: John, come on, you’ve got a lesbian cousin…

ROBERTS: Yes, Anthony, but I’ve also got a lifetime of severe sexual and emotional hang-ups that I’m not gonna toss overboard just because it would be “cool!”

ALITO: John, I think you meant to say “Deeply held religious and moral principles.”

ROBERTS:  Right! Thank-you, Sam. Now I will remind you, each of us Supreme Court Justices made a pinky-swear…

SCALIA: “An oath.”

ROBERTS: Right, an oath, to uphold the Bible…

SCALIA: “The Constitution.”

ROBERTS: The Constitution!

SCALIA: Idiot.

ROBERTS: Idiot! Hey!

SCALIA: How did I not get your job?!?

ROBERTS: Because you’re old!

(SCALIA and ROBERTS are about to duke it out when THOMAS and ALITO pull them apart. THOMAS lets out a few honks.)

KAGAN: Interesting how homophobic Harvard boys can’t wait to wrestle each other…

BREYER, GINSBURG & SOTOMAYOR: Mmmmm-hmmmm.

KAGAN: So who’s coming out on top? I mean with the case. Honest.

BREYER: Guys, could I just ask one question here?

SCALIA: You just did.

BREYER: Can any of you think of any harm that would be done if we just let gay people marry?

SCALIA: Is it harmful to make Jesus cry?!?

THOMAS: (Single honk)

SCALIA: One means “Yes.”

BREYER: Anthony, you’re the swing vote on this. Again. Will you just do the right thing so we can all go home?

ALITO: Oh, he’ll do the right thing, Breyer! Especially if he remembers what happens to guys named Kennedy who try to change things!

 (Everyone stares at ALITO.)

ALITO: Okay, I probably shouldn’t have said that out loud.

KENNEDY: I just want to go to the bathroom!

GINSBURG: I can’t believe I have to do this. Clarence!

THOMAS: (Single honk)

GINSBURG: Clarence, we’ve known each other a long time. And even though your predecessor, the great Justice Thurgood Marshall, could have had unnatural congress with a syphilitic giraffe and produced a more qualified jurist than you, I know that in your heart you are capable of great love. Enough love for two different wives and at least one unwilling subordinate.

THOMAS (wistfully): (Single honk)

GINSBURG: I ask you, Justice Clarence Thomas, to look in your heart and understand that if you vote today to deny the fundamental civil and human right of our gay fellow Americans to love who they were born to love, legally, openly and without fear… It could have a chilling effect on lesbian porn. Clarence Thomas, how do you vote on gay marriage?

(THOMAS slowly raises his bicycle horn over his head.)

THOMAS: (Single honk. Maybe a pre-recorded clarion gets laid over it.) POORRRN!!!

(THOMAS is lifted triumphantly on the shoulders of GINSBURG, BREYER, KAGAN and SOTOMAYOR.)

ROBERTS, SCALIA and ALITO: NOOOOO!!!!!

(BLACKOUT. Cue “Clang-Clang-Clang Went the Trolley” for scene change?)

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Back to Cali

This time tomorrow night I will be back in California for the first time in 19 months. Before that it had been 14 months since we left LA for the sweet life in the DC suburbs.

All told it’s been just three months shy of three years since I was an Angeleno, a title I wore with mixed emotions for nine years. My first two kids were born in LA. My wife and I were in LA when 9-11 happened. I did some of the most satisfying and least paid work of my life in LA and I did a lot of it. It was a meat grinder with gorgeous sunsets.

Being LA it will have changed and stayed the same. I’m sure it’s had work done.

I hope it treats me just bad enough that it doesn’t hurt too much to leave again.

This.

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Hate

There is some quirk in human character, or maybe it’s just me, that finds enjoyment in hate. I think our attention is drawn to the likes of Chris Brown, Rush Limbaugh or any idiot with an NRA bumper sticker just because we naturally produce a certain amount of hate and it needs somewhere to go.

On some level you don’t have to be carefully taught.

The best of us are just emotional Dexters. We try to channel the hate toward the worst of the worst because at least we tell ourselves they deserve it.

Again, maybe it’s just me. Wouldn’t that be nice?

dexter-the-game-2-image

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SAG Award 2013 Picks

Just cast my votes on-line for the SAG Awards. Some very tough choices, but here they are:

Final Review

OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Actor Title Change
DANIEL DAY-LEWIS LINCOLN Edit
* Vote for Maximum 1 candidate(s).
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE
Actor Title Change
JENNIFER LAWRENCE SILVER LININGS PLAYBOOK Edit
* Vote for Maximum 1 candidate(s).
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Actor Title Change
PHILIP SEYMOUR HOFFMAN THE MASTER Edit
* Vote for Maximum 1 candidate(s).
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE
Actor Title Change
HELEN HUNT THE SESSIONS Edit
* Vote for Maximum 1 candidate(s).
OUTSTANDING ACTION PERFORMANCE BY A STUNT ENSEMBLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Title Change
THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN Edit
* Vote for Maximum 1 candidate(s).
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A CAST IN A MOTION PICTURE
Title Actors Change
LINCOLN DANIEL DAY-LEWIS, SALLY FIELD, JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT, HAL HOLBROOK, TOMMY LEE JONES, JAMES SPADER, DAVID STRATHAIRN Edit
* Vote for Maximum 1 candidate(s).
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A TELEVISION MOVIE OR MINISERIES
Actor Title Change
WOODY HARRELSON GAME CHANGE Edit
* Vote for Maximum 1 candidate(s).
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A TELEVISION MOVIE OR MINISERIES
Actor Title Change
JULIANNE MOORE GAME CHANGE Edit
* Vote for Maximum 1 candidate(s).
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Actor Title Change
BRYAN CRANSTON BREAKING BAD Edit
* Vote for Maximum 1 candidate(s).
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A DRAMA SERIES
Actor Title Change
MAGGIE SMITH DOWNTON ABBEY Edit
* Vote for Maximum 1 candidate(s).
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A MALE ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Actor Title Change
JIM PARSONS THE BIG BANG THEORY Edit
* Vote for Maximum 1 candidate(s).
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY A FEMALE ACTOR IN A COMEDY SERIES
Actor Title Change
AMY POEHLER PARKS AND RECREATION Edit
* Vote for Maximum 1 candidate(s).
OUTSTANDING ACTION PERFORMANCE BY A STUNT ENSEMBLE IN A TELEVISION SERIES
Title Change
THE WALKING DEAD Edit
* Vote for Maximum 1 candidate(s).
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY AN ENSEMBLE IN A DRAMA SERIES
Title Actors Change
BREAKING BAD JONATHAN BANKS, BETSY BRANDT, BRYAN CRANSTON, LAURA FRASER, ANNA GUNN, RJ MITTE, DEAN NORRIS, BOB ODENKIRK, AARON PAUL, JESSE PLEMONS, STEVEN MICHAEL QUEZADA Edit
* Vote for Maximum 1 candidate(s).
OUTSTANDING PERFORMANCE BY AN ENSEMBLE IN A COMEDY SERIES
Title Actors Change
THE BIG BANG THEORY MAYIM BIALIK, KALEY CUOCO, JOHNNY GALECKI, SIMON HELBERG, KUNAL NAYYAR, JIM PARSONS, MELISSA RAUCH Edit
* Vote for Maximum 1 candidate(s).

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Sandy Hook

My attempts at a constructive response to something I can barely stand to think about…

To my elected representatives/leaders:

Dear Congressman Moran, Senators Warner, Webb, Senator-elect Kaine and President Obama,
I ask you as your constituent and a fellow parent to take action in advancing sane and reasonable policies to prevent any more days like this past Friday. We have long needed stronger laws restricting the sale and ownership of weapons like those used in the massacres of recent years.
Further, we need more aggressive intervention and help for families coping with mental illness among their members.
I don’t have any illusions about how difficult either of these things will be to achieve, but I promise you my full and continuing support in any efforts you make to change the current and unacceptable status quo. Friday was my personal tipping point. I can not look at my children if I don’t do something each day to prevent this from ever happening again.
It is a shrinking but disproportionately loud minority that places their hobby above the lives of our children. I ask you to stand up for the rest of us with the assurance that we will stand with you.
Thank-you for your time.

To the guy who reads the e-mail for the National Rifle Association:

I doubt this will go very far up the chain of command, but I’ll try anyway. I have never been a fan of the NRA, but I know in your own way you want what is best for our country as much as I do. Many of you are probably parents just like me and the community of Sandy Hook Elementary.
For the worst possible reason you now have a historic opportunity to rejoin the mainstream of American belief, the belief that reasonable restrictions on firearm ownership can be achieved without compromising the purposes of sport, hunting and self-defense.
I ask only that you consider how high a clip capacity and rate of fire is required for any of the purposes listed above.
Talking points and bumper stickers aside, can any of us feel safe with the kind of weapons used at Sandy Hook Elementary so easily available to the type of person who got ahold of them two days ago?
I ask you, in the names of 26 human beings for whom this point is now moot, to reconsider the goals of the NRA and whether they truly serve the greater good.
Peace be with you. (I hope this is considered a valid message.)

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Fairfax County Ballot Picks, November 6th 2012

I’m in a huge hurry all the time lately. For anyone still looking for this stuff, here it is.

http://fairfaxdemocrats.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/2012-Countywide-Sample-Ballot-WEB.pdf

Go get ‘em and thanks for doing your part, whoever you are.

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As Close As I’ll Ever Get to “Inside the Actors Studio”

One of my teen acting students asked me to answer some questions for a school assignment.

I agreed.

 

  1. When you were a kid did you know you wanted to be an actor, if so what training did you get?

When I was a kid I wanted to be a superhero and a lawyer, in that order. It wasn’t until I was in high school that I started acting and imagining I might want to spend the rest of my life doing this. I took all the high school and college level courses I could then I started taking workshops at local theatres. No disrespect to my teachers, but I still think the best training I got was performing in front of an audience.

  1. When you are acting how do you keep your energy throughout the entire performance?

I try to stay well-nourished and rested before a show. After that the performance itself keeps me invigorated. It can be a problem if I’m doing a small part with nothing to do for large chunks of the show. In that instance I devote myself to staying focused on the next thing I need to do in the show.

  1. As an actor you might not always have a project you are working on, so do you have a secondary job outside of the acting field?

Yes, I teach acting at Theatre Lab and the Smithsonian in addition to being the primary caregiver to my three kids. I used to do all kinds of other stuff: Retail, restaurant work, I even delivered pizzas for a while. I still have a bunch of special event type stuff I do in which I perform comedy for private groups. It’s kind of like acting only more loosey-goosey and improvisational. These days I measure the quality of my life by my distance from my last restaurant job. I really hated waiting tables. :-(

  1. Most actors posses other skills that can help you land jobs, what are some of yours?

I don’t have many. It’s sort of sad… :-( I have a few things listed on my resume under “Special Skills” but I have to say I’ve never gotten a job based on any of them. Basically, I audition for a part, they like my read and they hire me. Or not. The stuff I have listed includes Tae Kwon Do, bartending, tarot card reading, comic improv, sketch writing and being good with kids and animals. Except for the comic improv I have never used any of those skills on an acting job.

  1. What college did you go to, and what did you study?

I bounced around between Montgomery College in Rockville, University of Maryland College Park and a place in DC called The Theatre School where I finally picked up a diploma in 1984. These days it’s called “The National Conservatory for the Dramatic Arts.” I was a perennial Theatre major.

  1. Being an actor have you ever had to change the way you look to get a role?

Except for putting on makeup, wigs and costumes, no, I never had to. A long time ago I voluntarily dyed my hair platinum blonde, got blue contact lenses and pierced my left ear to play a criminal in a play. I forget which play and sadly no pictures of this era survive.

  1. How do you normally get to know your cast mates and the director?

We all meet at first read-through and gradually become a family over the course of the run. Then it ends and we don’t see each other for years or until the next show.

  1. How do you get to your confidence as an actor?

It’s more a matter of covering up your complete and perpetual lack of confidence. Seriously, I think in the beginning you just work really hard to get your lines, blocking and character down. Then after you’ve done it a few times and not died, maybe even been a little good, you start to understand you can do this. From then on it’s just a matter of deciding how fully you’re going to throw yourself into a job. The base level of confidence in your own abilities has been established. The next step is being courageous or curious enough to stretch beyond the comfort zone of what you already know works for you.

  1. How do you remain in character throughout the entire time you are playing a role?

When I’m speaking it takes care of itself. When I’m not speaking I either listen intently to what the other characters are saying and react accordingly or I find something for my character to do. When I’m not onstage or shooting during a production I try to chill out and get ready for the next time I’m needed.

  1. How old were you when you had your first on camera job?

I forget, but I think it was as an extra on either “Forrest Gump” or “The Pelican Brief.” They came out in 1994 and 93 respectively, which means they were shot a year earlier. In 1992 I would have been either 28 or 29. Let’s go with 29.

Thank you so much can you please get them to me as soon as you can!:D
No prob. Enjoy and I hope you get an “A” on whatever this is. :-)
- JJ
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