Because everybody loves Raymond
Hello. My name is out-going Exxon-Mobil CEO Lee Raymond. Lately there’s been a lotta hullabaloo in the media about my 400-million dollar retirement package.
I must tell you, I find that very disappointing. Not the package itself, that’s just fine, thank-you and I’m happy that the Lord has rewarded me as He sees fit.
What I’m disappointed in is how many people can be misled by a few silly people just a-flappin’ their jaws on the internet.
These riff-raff just love to go on about how high gas prices are and how I made 51-million dollars last year and how that averages out to, heck, I dunno, probably about 141,000 dollars a day, or (if you must)6,000 dollars an hour.
What they don’t tell you is this: Let’s say YOU made 51-millon dollars a year and now YOUR retirement is 400-million! That would mean your full retirement is less than eight years pay! That’s right, if I’m still kickin’ nine years from now, it’s like I’m not gettin’ paid at all!
Doesn’t sound so good if you know the whole story, now does it?
Put it another way, right now there’s 300 million people in this great country of ours, not counting Mexicans.
400-million dollars breaks down to about a buck thirty-somethin’ for every red-blooded American drawing breath today.
See? All I’m really getting is a buck and change for giving you a tiger in your tank, a clean restroom, and a full box of Kit-Kat bars these past twelve years.
It hardly seems fair, but a deal’s a deal and I’m not gonna complain.
Friends, I remember from Sunday School how Jesus said, “By their fruits ye shall know them.”
Now some people’s “fruits” are angry, divisive words that lead to Progressive Taxation, Socialism, and Slavery. Those are the bitter fruits that grow from a tree called “Jealousy.”
Other people’s fruits are (modesty aside) the most profitable corporation in the history of the world. That’s a fruit that only grows on the tree of “Hard Work”; a tree that’s watered with sweat, elbow grease, and the tears of all those who challenge you.
Bottom line, folks: With whom do feel a greater kinship?
Anonymous internet hippies who don’t have jobs and want to kill your ambition?
Or the old man who’s worked his heart out keepin’ your tank full and your windshield clean?
Karl Marx or the Son of God?
God bless and “Happy Motoring.”
