Every week I try to bang out a few news-related jokes for my show “Big News”.
Here are a few.
Mario Etheridge was charged Friday with the shooting death of the Detroit rapper “Proof.”
In his defense Mr. Etheridge claims he thought the victim’s name was “Bullet-Proof.”
Matthew Perry has signed on for the lead role in the indie dark comedy “Numb.”
In a related story, Perry’s former cast-mate Matt LeBlanc has signed on for the lead role in the indie dark comedy “Canceled.”
The Nebraska State Legislature voted Thursday to divide the Omaha school system into three districts — one mostly black, one predominantly white and one largely Hispanic.
The ACLU was prepared to file suit until Nebraska agreed to provide little Hop-Sing with a private tutor.
In other Red State news, the Alabama Legislature gave final approval to a bill to pardon the late civil rights icon Rosa Parks for violating segregation-era laws.
Not to be outdone, the Mississippi Legislature has agreed to free the slaves and bring Emmitt Till and Medgar Evers back from the dead.
In Florida Arthur McClure was fired from his job as a shopping mall Easter Bunny after removing the head of the costume and hitting a female customer.
Next month McClure begins his new job: Coaching lacrosse at Duke University.
On his first US visit since becoming President, Chinese leader Hu Jintao flew to Seattle where he dined at the home of Bill Gates. Protesters at the event demanded reforms from the autocratic ruler and oppressor of millions and also from President Hu.
Thousands of people cheered loudly after Pope Benedict XVI delivered his first Easter mass as Pope.
They cheered even louder when he introduced his long-lost twin brother UNCLE FESTER!!!
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes welcomed their new daughter, Suri, into the world this Tuesday.
Tom stayed with Katie in the delivery room, thus marking his closest approach to a vagina since he was born.
Thank-you very much. Tip your server.
(Exploitation Month continues as soon as I’m over this whole Scott McClellan thing. Why, Lord?! Why do you only take the best?!)
