No this isn’t about Anna Nicole Smith, even if though she’s a dead moron.
It just occurred to me that I’ve been in a Zone of Death lately, starting with Molly Ivins, continuing through last week’s bimbo passing and of course my late Uncle Wayne who merited far more attention than the late Vicki-Lynn Hogan. The Zone traveled with me this past week as I drove East of LA to Palm Springs to do a walk-around gig with my very talented friend Jim Nieb.
In a nutshell Jim played George Bush while me and three other guys played his Secret Service retinue. It was for a corporation that had money to spend so we got fed and put up for the night at a resort that normally costs enough that riff-raff like us don’t stay there. It sure was pretty though.
Anyway, the day after the gig I had time to kill and a full tank of gas so I decided to drive to the Salton Sea and Joshua Tree National Park. They’re both within an hour or so of Palm Springs and who knew when I’d have time to see them if not that morning. Off I went. I drove down Route 86 South past what I imagine were palm tree farms and various old cinder block buildings. After about an hour I noticed a bad smell in my car and hoped it wasn’t me or the McDonald’s wrappers I’d left in the back seat. Turns out it was the Salton Sea. Without going into every horrific detail of the post-apocalyptic environmental nightmare that greeted me when I turned left at the sign for the Salton Sea Beach I will just say that it was the closest thing I have ever experienced to Hell. I have stood at the rim of a Hawaiian volcano where they have signs telling you you’re breathing sulfuric acid and vaporized glass. This was worse. Putting aside the smell you have to imagine walking on a white beach and realizing too late that what should be sand is actually bleached fish corpses. I’m including some pictures here and all you need to know is that anything you can’t quite make out is dead.
I’m normally pretty unflappable about morbid stuff but when it’s filling my nostrils, crunching under my feet, and completely dominating my field of vision I wuss out and hit the road. If you’re thinking about visiting the Salton Sea, my advice is to purchase a hazmat suit or stay home.
I purged the Salton experience by calling Jim Nieb and ranting until I started repeating myself and then driving North through Joshua Tree for the next several hours. I’m still not a desert person but boy, you can’t deny the beauty of it. Joshua Tree National Park. Recommended. And if you’ve been too recently in a Zone of Death, necessary.
