I know I said I’d write more about my break-up with my imaginary friend when I got back but I’m putting it off in favor of today’s topic: “Why the Front Page of The Huffington Post Makes Me Want to Leave This Galaxy for One Less Complicated.”
Scrolling down today I found, in order:
1. Paul Krugman on how economists got it so wrong! These are some of the smartest guys on the planet. Math geniuses with money. If they can’t get this stuff right what hope is there for ground-dwelling shmucks like us?
2. Over 3000 bankers went to jail over the 80s S&L crisis. So far we got Bernie Madoff. Would it depress the economy to disincentivize stealing?
3. Obama could face a primary challenge in 2012 if the public option is dropped from health care reform. Oh, my beloved Dems, keep going down that road! Such demands for ideological purity really got that second Carter term back on track.
4. George F. Will wants us out of Afghanistan and Iraq ASAP! Amazing how many right-wingers turned into freedom hating hippie peaceniks once a Democrat got elected President…
5. In Los Angeles they are finally sticking a dead, closeted, self-hating gay pedophile/drug addict in the ground. Apparently he used to dance and sing a bit. Oh, and his family is running late. I’m not even linking to this BS.
6. ”Sexual Abuse, Humiliation Exposed in Navy’s Canine Unit.” Where does one even begin….? It’s like Michael Vick only with people.
7. Embattled South Carolina Governor and born-again adulterer Mark Sanford is behind rumors that his Lt. Governor is gay. This really expands the definition of a Hail Mary pass.
8. The Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court says the addition of Sonia Sotomayor is “unsettling.” At least she’s not dating his daughter.
9. Some sub-human slapped another customer’s two-year old daughter at a Wal-Mart saying “If you don’t shut that baby up I’ll shut her up for you.” The 61 year-old man then slapped the baby four times, which is how often I hope he gets raped in prison before he gets something nice and incurable.
10. The usual right-wing suspects say Obama’s message to schoolchildren to work hard and learn is really just a front for disseminating Darkseid’s anti-life equation which will kill all that is good in the multiverse. They needn’t worry. His target audience wouldn’t listen unless he was dressed up as a Pokemon.
11. There’s a boy who cries tears of blood. Sadly it is a medical condition and has nothing to do with Jesus and his disappointment in our choices. God hates doctors.
12. Pat Buchanan defends Hitler. In other news the sun rose in the east this morning.
13. Somebody shot a cat through the head with a 13-inch arrow and it lived. Not only that, it’s going to be fine! Why are they so hard to kill?!?! (I’m up at two in the morning doing laundry because one of them puked on the bed. No one can judge me.)
14. Some anti-reformer punched a pro-reformer in the face at a Health Care Reform rally and the pro-reformer bit his attacker’s finger off. The finger was successfully reattached because the attacker had medicare. I miss Irony and am sorry it had to die.
15. Some idiots created a spec video ad for the World Wildlife Fund that featured dozens of airliners rocketing toward the World Trade Centers in order to emphasize how much worse the 2005 tsunami was than 9-11 and how we should all respect the planet and stuff. That was kind of the capper for me, being reminded how people with whom I should be philosophically aligned can be as horrible, tasteless and moronic as anyone on the far right.
This morning I was in Luray, Virginia in a cool, beautifully lit cavern hundreds of feet below the ground, listening to music played on stalactites.
I should have stayed.
