http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=igr2ok-hvjg&feature=share

I am the caucasian gentleman.

It appears that’s what it takes to make me happy.

To loved ones and role models who didn’t make it this far: I wish you could know how much you’re missed. I’ll do my best to deserve the life and inspiration you gave me.

Leaving the grid til tomorrow/next year. Hope to see the rest of you there.

Happy New Year.

Anyway, I’m aware that Facebook and (to a much smaller degree) Twitter have have cut deeply into my content provision to this blog. It’s less work for me to just post links on the other sites along with my pithy observations than it is to properly blog here, so, being a lazy bastard, that’s what I’ve tended to do.

If you’re one of my handful of liberal Laura Brannigan/Necrophilia-loving readers and would like more regular bon mots from me I suppose you could try friending me on FB or following me on Twitter.

Just be advised that I restrict my “friendships” on Facebook to people I know, friends of friends and/or people I’ve actually heard of.  Also, you need to be legally an adult. No exceptions, even if I know and like you.  If that doesn’t sound like you then I’ll require a note of introduction before I’ll let you look at my stuff.

Or you could just follow me on Twitter. I can’t stop you, at least not initially.  I can block you as I have done with anyone attempting to market me stuff or tell me how the Jews control the media and Ayn Rand is awesome. But, yeah, lurkers or stalkers on Twitter just don’t attract my notice so long as they’re quiet and their profile pics don’t contain swastikas or crying eagles.

And just for the record I’m not the John Judy who owns the fly-fishing company in Washington or the one with the cool blog he actually writes on or the tattoo artist or the Marine or the graphic designer or the nutjob who thinks Ayn Rand is awesome.  Those are all different guys.  I think there’s also a gay teenager in Pennsylvania named “Jon” Judy who may or may not be a fellow comics fan. In fact that could be two separate guys as well.

I’m just the liberal, atheist, happily married, occasionally-employed actor and full-time Dad currently living in Northern Virginia who thinks Ayn Rand is the saddest thing this side of Scientology.

http://www.facebook.com/John.Judy1

http://twitter.com/#!/PapaJohnJudy

Or watch this space.

My current resume

Oh crap, I still have a MySpace page too. I should have that looked at…

HOW?!?

CF CASTING FRONTIER

on-line casting solutions!

NEW ROLE OPEN TO PUBLIC SUBMISSIONS

This e-mail is to notify you that your profile matches the required age range, ethnicity, and gender for the following role: I’m OBSESSED With Animals!

Please read the description below to verify whether or not you fit the additional requirements.

Description:

Do you have an extreme and unusual animal obsession?

We’re currently casting for a new documentary-style pilot (may or may not air) that looks into the stories of those whose obsessions are taking over, and ruining, their lives. If you feel you’re at a breaking point and need help – contact us. We’re open to ALL extreme situations.

Our documentary will give you the opportunity to meet with a therapist and get your issue to a manageable level.

This is a positive, uplifting show with a serious tone.

IF INTERESTED, please call 818-728-4165 or e-mail animalcasting1@gmail.com IMMEDIATELY.  Thanks!

Union Status: Non-Union
Rate: $400 if selected for pilot

Enjoy this peek into the glamor of showbiz:

NEW ROLE OPEN TO PUBLIC SUBMISSIONS

Your profile is a 3-star match (gender, age, ethnicity) for the following role: Men and Women With Double Lives

Please read the description below to verify whether or not you fit the additional requirements.

Description:

New TV documentary seeking people ready to confess a long kept secret!

Have you been keeping a secret from loved ones and it’s tearing you up inside? Do you feel you’ve been living two totally different lives and you’re now exhausted and torn? Could you benefit from working with professionals to confront the person or people from whom you’ve been keeping your secret? Overlay Productions is in search of individuals who are desperate to come clean and ready to safely confront the truth with the help of experts and professionals for a documentary style television project. It’s our intention to help you unburden yourself from whatever it is you’ve been holding in and transition to a more peaceful and honest place.

Are you…

·       A Secretary By Day– Making A Secretly Lucrative Living As A High-Priced Call Girl By Night?

·       A Man Or Woman Who’s Broke, But Pretending To Be Rich?

·       A School Teacher By Day, A Stripper By Night?

·       Someone With A Secret Gambling Addiction …Whose Family Doesn’t Know She/He Has Gambled Everything Away – Or Falsely Believes He Or She Lost His/Her Money By Getting Fired From His/Her Job?

·       Someone Who Goes To Work Every Day, Secretly Pretending He/She Wasn’t Fired Months Or Years Ago?

·       Someone Gay Or Bi-Sexual, Living A Straight Life With One Person While In A Gay Relationship With Another?

·       A Stay-At-Home Mom, Secretly Using Drugs Like Ritalin, Adderall Or Speed To Stay On Top Of All Her Household Duties, To Appear As The Picture-Perfect Mom Who Can Do It All?

·       A Lonely 20-Something Living As One Person In “Real” Life, But With A Totally Different Identity Over The Internet?

·       A Wealthy Woman In Her 50s Whose Secret Hobby Is Shoplifting?

If any of the above scenarios describe the life you’ve been secretly living – or if you’re keeping any other huge secrets from the people in your life, we want to hear from you!

Our show will be offering professional help and financial compensation for those willing to participate and share their compelling story.  A finder’s fee is being offered for selected referrals.

Union Status: Non-UnionRate: there is pay, but tbd

If Sharia law mandated that everyone involved with stuff like this had to be scourged with rusty barbed wire I would have to consider bowing toward Mecca.

Our first full year as Landed Gentry of the Great Commonwealth seemed at times like an epic movie that kept switching genres.  From Action to Tragedy to Slapstick to Love Story, we covered them all.

The action began with the great DC Snowpocalypse that shut down the region for over a week and turned shoveling the driveway into a daily bonding ritual between parents, children and modern suburban neighbors.  It ended up being great fun for us and a chance to spend time with family since John’s dad almost got snowed in with us.  The kids got to sled with their cousins and we resolved to deepen our garage with a 4-wheel drive vehicle for future catastrophes.  The local Honda dealership was happy to oblige us and we became a two-car family.

Since the new car needed breaking in we decided to visit the afore-mentioned Grampa in Asheville, North Carolina.  It was a fun visit with lots of good food and local attractions including the famous Biltmore mansion and estate.

Back home our eldest boy continued the activities he does best: Tae Kwon Do, swimming and growing.  More baby teeth were lost, but (as if to compensate) several swimming ribbons were won. Second grade seems to agree with him even if the homework is getting more demanding. He let off steam by getting his first Mohawk haircut for school picture day. It looked great and got him to smile!

Our daughter has also begun testing the waters of academia, enrolling in a really good pre-K program near our neighborhood.  She’s in a group of about ten kids her age.  She loves it and has made friends she looks forward to seeing each day.  She also comes home more often than not with extremely cute braids and ponytails, courtesy of her teachers.

The year very much peaked for us when Jessica delivered the best Fathers Day present ever: “Little Hulk”, so named for his size, strength and ferocity. If he ever gets one of your knuckles near his mouth you’ll understand.  He’s grown into a beautiful baby with a grin that’s inspired a second nickname: “Mister Smiley.”  And someone in our lineage has gifted him with the most amazing blue eyes.

Jessica continues to be the best bargain the American taxpayers could ask, working hard providing Congress with the most accurate possible information to misinterpret or ignore.

John continues his service providing groceries, kid transportation, plus some light cleaning and yardwork.  He also managed to pick up a few commercial jobs during the last campaign season. Happily he worked only on behalf of the Good Guys.  His lucky streak continued into October when he got to play a wedding emcee in a horror film by his old friend Eduardo Sanchez. It’s called “The Possession.” Watch for it!

Other notable events of the year included a real-live wedding for Jessica’s sister at which Jessica was a bridesmaid, Eldest Boy was ringbearer, and John and Our Girl ended up being co-flower girls. Most awesome!  John and Eldest also got a special treat when they were able to visit Los Angeles for a week to stay with old friends and go to Disneyland and the Aquarium of the Pacific. Roller coasters, shark-petting and spending a week at his best friend’s house. Not a bad summer vacation for anyone.

On a sad note we lost one of our cats after a brief illness just shy of his 11^th birthday. He now rests peacefully in Ashland and many a human could do worse. There were other losses too but rather than relate them here let it suffice to say they continue to instruct us in our priorities and the importance of keeping close with those we love.

Thanks to all for being part of our lives in 2010 and the years to come.

With much love,

John, Jessica and their nameless kids

Repairing the fence?  I put in a good afternoon a few months ago.  Clearing the rocks from that patch where the pool pump used to be?  Yeah, a couple of hours were spent with a pick and shovel. I sifted some dirt and several hundred pounds got moved over weekends here and there. I weed-whack it often and rocks continue to fly past my head.  College degree? Not gonna happen.  Finishing my memorial for a friend who died in February? The first part brought tears to eyes, but the rest has to be Just Right and that takes time.

I have a stack of screenplays in my head and a book on marathon training somewhere around here.

I fire deadly short bursts: The late night blog, the HuffPo retort, the killer sketch or two-liner.  An afternoon mowing, cleaning or vacuuming is good exercise and a chance to clear the head. I make a fine pot of mac and cheese.

I could claim the Great HusbanDad Project consumes all my long-term energy but really I don’t recall painting any chapel ceilings prior to my engagement.

I have a deficiency to be addressed.

Soon.

The film nominees whose producers couldn’t be bothered to spend an extra hundred grand or so promoting their movies numbered twelve and included Crazy Heart, A Single Man, Invictus, The Hurt Locker, The Blind Side, The Last Station, The Messenger, The Lovely Bones, Nine, Public Enemies, Star Trek, and Transformers 2.

Fortunately, I’d seen Star Trek in the theatres.

And of course none of the Television nominees sent so much as an e-mail.

So, having seen six of the movies featuring nominees and a couple of the TV nominees, I gave it my best shot.  I showed clear favoritism to performances I’d actually seen, actors I liked and movies that paid me to be in them.

You’re welcome, stunt ensemble who worked for J.J. Abrams.

Have I established my lazy, whorish cred yet?

Well, watch this:

For Outstanding Performance by a Male Actor in a Leading Role I picked Clooney for Up in the Air.  I like all three other nominees I’d heard of.  (Sorry, Hurt Locker’s Jeremy Renner.)  However, Clooney sent me a DVD of him being awesome yet again so he wins.

For Outstanding Performance by a Female Actor in a Leading Role (Why can’t we say “Actress” anymore?) I picked Meryl Streep for Julie & Julia.  The only other performances I’d seen were Gabourey Sidibe for Precious and Carey Mulligan for An Education.  Sorry, Helen Mirren and Sandra Bullock.  No DVDs from you.  Sidibe deserves credit for bravery but she’s never acted before and I found Precious to be torturous.  Mulligan was good as Smart Girl Comes of Age but not on the same level as Streep.  No doubt we’ll be seeing Ms. Mulligan again though.  She’s good at this.

Supporting Actor goes to Christoph Waltz both for being great in Inglourious Basterds and for being the only nominee I’ve seen.

Supporting Actress was originally going to go to Vera Farmiga for Up in the Air.  I did see and enjoy Anna Kendrick in Air and Diane Kruger in Basterds but not as much as Farmiga’s dissolute middle-aged traveler.  Never saw Penelope Cruz in Nine.  No DVD, blah, blah, blah.

And I did see Mo’Nique in Precious.

If you had told me I would ever in my life vote to give Mo’Nique an award for acting I would have told you them’s fightin’ words and hit you while you weren’t looking.  But god-dammit if you judge by the difficulty of the role, how well the role was performed and the degree of improvement from everything else I’ve ever seen her in….  I voted for Mo’Nique in a movie I will never watch again.

Stunt Ensemble in a Motion Picture:  Sorry Public Enemies and Transformers 2.  Star Trek cut me a check and put me in its promo material.  I’m sure you all fell down very nicely though.  Star Trek wins.

Outstanding Performance by the Cast of a Motion Picture.  I didn’t see Hurt Locker or Nine.  Basterds was a guilty pleasure, Mr. Waltz’s performance notwithstanding.  Precious was less a movie than an assault.  By process of elimination and by having some great performances by Mulligan, Alfred Molina and Emma Thompson, An Education gets my vote.

Okay, Television nominees were trickier.  I haven’t seen or heard of many of these so I just chose the actors I tend to like or the few I’d seen and found worthy.

Male TV Movie: Kevin Bacon for Taking Chance.  Only one I saw and he was great.

Female TV Movie: Jessica Lange for Grey Gardens.  She will always be better than Drew Barrymore and Grey Gardens was the only one on the list I saw.

Male TV Series: Jon Hamm for Mad Men.  Always superb and the only one of the nominees I watch.

Female TV Series: Glenn Close because she’s my favorite actress among the nominees, even though I’ve never seen any of their shows.

Male TV Comedy: Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock.

Female TV Comedy: Tina Fey for 30 Rock.

I almost left the above two categories blank because my favorite sitcoms were snubbed.  Better Off Ted and Big Bang Theory are vastly superior to crap like Curb Your Enthusiasm and New Adventures of Old Christine.  And how the hell does Larry David keep getting nominated for acting awards by people who should know better?  We’re a union of actors, dammit!

And stunt people.  I did skip the TV Stunt Ensemble category because I haven’t watched Dexter or Heroes in a long time and I’ve never seen 24, The Closer or The Unit.  And none of them paid me or sent me a DVD.

Hey, are we ever  gonna have a Best Extra category?  Because that would be really great!

For Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Drama Series I picked Mad Men because it is bloody fantastic and the only one of the nominees I watch.  I stopped watching Dexter after the first season because I didn’t want to be the creepy guy who watches the show about the creepy guy who is no doubt a big hero to actual practicing serial killers.  Also, I looked at Dexter’s body count and technique and just couldn’t buy that he kept getting away with it.  Never watched The Closer or The Good Wife.  And True Blood is worse than a guilty pleasure.  It’s a guilty pleasure that’s badly done.

Outstanding Comedy Ensemble.  I voted for Modern Family because my wife and I watch it together even though we both see the overly cutesy nature of it.  I really, really wanted to vote for Better Off Ted, Jay Harrington, Portia de Rossi and just the whole amazing Ted writing/acting ensemble.  Best sitcom I’ve seen in years.  Of course it’s not nominated and is in danger of cancelation because God is dead.

Okay, none of this matters to anyone except a few thousand industry pros and fans but at least it’s out of my system.

And what’s the use in having a puny single vote’s worth of power in this world if you can’t squander and misuse it?

I should be in Massachusetts.

1.  Unless I get some screener DVDs a huge number of these categories are going to be skipped entirely.  I won’t vote for one nominee over another just because I’ve only seen one of them.  That seems unfair.  I know the studios have been cutting way back on screeners for various reasons, including piracy and cost.  These are fair concerns so let me make a suggestion.  Since these are SAG Awards how about SAG and the producers work together to set up a website where all the nominated performances can be seen on-line, gratis, provided SAG members log in using their member ID and online password?

Yeah, I know it’s not the same as seeing it on the big screen, but neither is watching a DVD that keeps flashing “screener copy, not for sale” on the bottom while Daniel Day-Lewis is killing someone for lying to him.

It would no doubt be some effort and cost to set up and maintain, but it would certainly get the nominees seen by more eligible voters than any free theatre screenings in New York and LA and it would reduce piracy to zero.  Am I missing something?  Other than my screeners?

2.  Weirdest Nominee Title Ever: “Precious: Based on the Novel “Push” by Sapphire.”  This makes Tyler Perry putting his name at the front of all his movie titles seem relatively restrained.  Also, I haven’t seen this movie, but given the subject matter and a cast that includes Mariah Carey, Mo’Nique and Sherri Shepherd I think it’s gonna take a free screener and some drugs to get me to do so.

3.  I love that the SAG Awards aren’t just about popcorn movies but I have to admit that even a snob like me has not heard of, let alone seen a few of these.  I’m not judging.  I’m just saying that I went and saw that movie about Julie Christie with Alzheimers last year and even I didn’t know there was a Jeff Bridges movie called “Crazy Heart.”  And I love Jeff Bridges!  Send me a screener and there’s a definite chance I’ll vote for this!

4.  There needs to be a category for Best Voice Performance in an Animated Feature.  The cast of “Up” deserves their shot.

5.  The glaring omissions: “The Invention of Lying” was a beautiful piece of movie-making all around.  ”Big Bang Theory” and “Better Off Ted” make me believe sitcoms can still be clever and funny.  So why the hell am I not seeing them and their actors among the nominees?  (And Larry David and Charlie Sheen among them?  Did Roman Polanski not do anything last year?)

6.  And how does an actress on a “Law and Order” spin-off get nominated over January Jones or Elisabeth Moss on “Mad Men?”  Do they give points for rising incrementally above the material?

7.  ”True Blood?”  Nominated in the same category as “Mad Men?”  Maybe if SAG does a Best of All Time category they can run “Astro Boy” against “The Sorrow and the Pity.”

It’s almost enough to make you think show biz ain’t fair…

Symptoms of the rut are:

1.  Sleeplessness.

2.  Not earning a living.

3.  Not doing anything to advance the careers I once felt passionately about.

4.  Eating too much junk.

5.  No regular physical activity beyond chores and child-rearing.

6.  Feeling old.

1. The sleeplessness is a complicated issue but I believe I’m onto part of the cause.  During the day I am constantly on guard.  I listen for the sounds of my kids coming to harm.  Sometimes I even interact with them.  Because I care.  I really can’t stop this until my wife comes home from work and then I need to stay engaged in order to maintain an environment conducive to emotional health.  In short, the only time I can be purely myself is after everyone’s asleep and my light-sleeping spouse is there to back me up on kid support.  My choice appears to be forced insomnia versus complete loss of self.  And yeah, it’s hard to feel great about committing words to media when you know they’re half-assed, lesser things than they would be if you were tanned, rested and ready.

So what?

We must commit to putting something into the grid and hope to develop what muscles are possible under these conditions.  Giving up has been tried and found wanting.

2.  Not earning a living is pretty self-explanatory.  I used to earn a respectable wage even if it was by disreputable means.  I taught acting to people who knew less than I did.  I acted.  I did odd-jobs and it all added up to a nice one-bedroom in Silver Spring.  I even had a cat.  Life happened, family and expenses grew and my wife was way better qualified to earn the bucks necessary to join the middle-class.  My prospects as an actor are better here in the small tidal pool of DC than the acidic lake of LA, but I can’t just blast around to auditions and jobs like I used to with a baby to care for.

This means staying home and writing something that might earn some money for my kids’ college.  I’m thinking about a series of fantasy novels about a boy wizard who keeps fighting the same guy every book.

Actually I’m thinking about the need to write something my kids would find useful and comforting after I’m dead.  Maybe a cookbook?

3.  Number three I am taking the first baby steps toward addressing tonight.  I’ve been busy with moving and kids but that phase will be somewhat alleviated when my boy starts school next week.  One kid is less work (and worry) than two and my baby actually naps during the day.

Also now that my beloved Dems are falling down on the job I’m getting that old anger that motivated me to lash the bastards from 2000-2008.  Half-full, right?

4.  Screw it, I’m sugared up bad.  It’ll kill me but I am renewing a 100K life insurance policy for 12 bucks a month.  A great way to get the kids to buy me donuts and soda.  I’m hoping the Sugar Bear will abate as other stuff takes its place.

5.  I’ve been keeping indoors a lot because of the heat and the bugs but the weather’s changing and this is a great place for biking, running and other outdoor catalogue stuff.  Oddly enough I walked a lot more in LA but I was closer to stuff then.  Also I forgot to give myself a PE credit for sex and air hockey.  OK, mostly air hockey.  I stick with what I’m good at.

6.  I am old by caveman  standards.  For many years I got some weird Dorian Gray pass on looking my age, but I think the prolonged diminishment of my once proud 8-9 hour sleep cycle, the college freshman diet and the sheer incessantness of fatherhood are finally knocking that into a cocked hat.  My beard has had white in it for quite a few years and now the gray is starting to show up elsewhere ( my temples, my chest and never-you-mind).  I’d also like to earn enough disposable income to hire a full-time groomer for my stupid mutant ear-hair.  Time spent tweezing one’s earlobes can never be called maximized.

I’m half-way to 92, four years from 50, 14 from 60 and I keep thinking back to how I was supposed to be dead before I hit 21.  Don’t feel bad for me, you were supposed to be dead too.  Reagan was going to get us all nuked with his stupid Star Wars fantasies so why not have some fun?  I’m still not convinced I didn’t see the flash over DC and these past 26 years have all been a big “Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge.”

Anyway in the event this is all real and I am really a middle-aged man with two beautiful kids and a wife who deserves better, I know I need to step up my game and push through this extended stasis I’ve been in.

We’ll begin with honestly trying to put some important stuff into words and if they’re pretty that’ll be a bonus.

Tomorrow (or later today as it should technically be called) I will put down why I finally became an atheist and why it’s more comfort than grief.

Good morning.